i can't believe that 2k15 has come to an end. christmas is 22 days away.

2k15 is a really confusing year for me. it has ups and downs and both in the worst way possible.

aside from my major in high school, recently i began to like k-pop, not all of them yet, maybe?, but 2 extremely popular boy bands, exo and big bang, managed to have my attention, like, a lot.

an anime trash as well as a k-pop, well done with your life Dan.

tbh i still can't believe myself i get into k-pop hell. k-pop isn't new for me. one of my best friend talked about SHINee all the time when we were in the junior high. im just like, meh. im not being a butthurt anti k-pop or anything, but at that time it was just not my cup of tea. i enjoyed some of their songs, and yeah they're all hot, but ive never expected that i'd like them.

my attachment to k-pop is not that acute yet, but i can feel that i'm drifting away from my old self, which was full of anime. ..ok, that sounds lame, but istg i feel that way. i still watch Haikyuu!!, OPM, Noragami, etc, but.. idk, the excitement's gone. i didn't adore my fave characters as much as before. it feels.. normal?

being alive for 17 years, tbh this is my first time to idolize a real human being, not a fictional character. Sehun, T.O.P, and Taehyung are the real problems here do you feel me, it feels .. idk, fascinating?? like, your favorite person is there, in the other side of the world, alive, being handsome and shit.

it's not that i do not enjoy liking that new thing or something, but something in me says that i shouldn't like it. but curiosity killed the cat and i still enjoy it.

but it's just too sudden, and idk, im not ready??  tbh i feel kinda sad. things that i used to love before, slowly become something that's just.. normal, not that important anymore.

i kinda realized how much things have changed since i entered high school. drastically changed. 90% of entries in my old blog talked about that. im always scared of change. it's not that i reject all changes, things around me changing. my family, friends, environments, etc etc. nothing lasts forever. and i changed. i am changing. and i will change. i have to change. however, i just.. do it. it feels really scary to experience. scary yet fascinating. but still scary.

i think im just scared if someday, i can't even recognize myself.

if i remember it correctly, i wrote something about 'i'd still like anime cause that's a way for me to recognize myself.' but then things changed.

i feel stupid for rambling about this but seriously,

being a teenager is scary.