2 months without news, and im back from the dead.

hell yeah.

anyway, a lot has happened within these 2 months.

i got new friend(s) (obviously) from my new class. two of them become one of my closest friend. though i have to admit i had never really thought that they were the type of girls that i'd become friends with at first.

the first one is a friend back from when i was a 10th grader. she's a nice and funny and kind. she's so good at dancing omg. the second one is a friend from different class last year. i knew her from the student council but i'm not that close to her and we rarely talk. and then i found out that she has a lot of funny reactions to every thing. she's also very friendly.

and to put it shorter, i can say that i like this class. even with the dramas which make me wanna puke but meh.

and when i finally feel that i like the new 'me' better, at the end of september, i went to jatiluhur to do some outward bound things like hiking, canoeing, etc. it was awesome. i dont wanna do it anymore though. i love my laptop thank you. but the thing is, i can't move my right arm perfectly like i used to. i went to the doctor and they said that i got an inflammation on my right shoulder muscle or something. it seems to be damaged but not that bad.

not that bad, but i can't even grip my pen for heaven's sake. it's a very devastating month for me. at the first week i can't even write or grip any fcking thing. my right hand felt absolutely numb. i went to therapy and it got better. but i still can't write smoothly. until now. i'm 60% right-handed. i can use my left hand for eating using spoon or even chopsticks but i cant write with that. and the worst part is i can't draw. every time i try to make a little doodle i cant get it well enough because im not 100% in control with my right hand. my writing's readable but it still looks awful. i cant even draw a single straight line. it'll go curly. it feels like i temporarily lose my talent to draw. and it really stresses me out.

i tried to use my left hand, i can write pretty good with that but it took too much time in an exam, but when i write with my right hand, i really wanna tear my paper.

it feels like i lose my ability to do things that i love. i feel useless tbh.

and i'm 17 now. on oct 12th to be exact. im happy, of course. i usually draw something for myself on my birthday. as miserable as it sounds lol. i'd draw something nice(imo), something that makes me glad and proud to have the ability. and i cant do it this year.

when will this be over ? it's been a month already. im exhausted.